A Fun Night Out with The Boyz
Early on Friday morning, some friends and I decided to wander off into the woods for a lovely camping trip. We packed our sleeping bags and essentials getting ready for the big day. Now none of us have ever really been the best at camping but we were going to give it the old college try, being that we all were leaving out of state to go to different schools after the summer. This was our last hoorah as “The Half Pint Boyz”, a name spawned from our high school days when David dared all of us to drink a half pint of our own urine. We reluctantly did it, but the bond from that day would last a lifetime.
The day finally came to head to the woods. We were all nervous because we didn’t really know what we were doing. We stopped at a local gas station for our “provisions” as Rick called it. He must have heard it from Dual Survival on the Discovery Channel. While trying to decide between Cool Ranch and Nacho flavored Doritos, David sneakily walks up to me very suspiciously. I asked him why he was acting so strange. He scanned the gas station quickly and said, “I brought LSD for the trip”. I took a beat to process what he had said and asked him to clarify. He said, “ I wanted this to be a night to remember, since we are all leaving each other”. I didn’t know what to say. I grabbed the Cool Ranch Doritos and headed for the check out counter.
We pulled up to the campsite. It wasn’t the best campsite, but it was ours. We set up our tents as best we could and made a small campfire. We set up our fold out chairs, and started drinking. We started talking about the good ole days and how much we were going to miss each other. Day turned to night and we lit up the fire and gathered enough firewood to last us through the night. Once we were all pretty drunk, David said something that would change my life forever. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a small baggy, and said “Let's each take some LSD”. Everyone else was on board for this journey, but I was still pretty nervous. We each took one tiny slip of paper and bumped them together not until a toast to the fun time we were about to have.
About 45 minutes passed and some of us were feeling the acid start to kick in, but I didn’t feel anything yet. I didn’t know if it was my anxiety preventing me from tripping or maybe it was a bad hit. I asked David if this was normal and he told me that sometimes the paper doesn’t have enough LSD on it for it to kick in and that maybe I should take another hit. I wasn’t too keen on doing it because I had never done anything like this before, but David insisted. So, I grabbed another little piece of paper and placed it on my tongue. I sat for a bit watching my good friends all feel the effects of the acid. Thinking about how we were all moving away and this may be the last time I get to see any of these guys again. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
It started with the tightening of my jaw, then it engulfed my whole body. I was feeling amazing. It looked as if the woods was breathing with the pulsating visuals I was having. This is what I had heard about from other people's experience so I was feeling alright. I spent about 20 minutes staring at the fire and watching the beautiful embers dance and pop. Then I looked up at Rick, but it wasn’t Rick. His face was warped and his words weren’t coming out in a way that I recognized. So that’s when I knew for sure, Rick was a government issued lizard person to take me out for my cyber crimes I unknowingly committed. I slowly reached for the axe that we used to cut up the fire wood, making sure no one saw me. I clinched it in my hands waiting for the right moment. Once Rick was preoccupied with a worthless conversation with David, that’s when I made my move. I lunged across the fire and slammed the axe right into Rick's head. He let out a final gasp of air and he died. I did it. I took down the assassin who would bring me to my demise.
David was in shock. He didn’t know what was going on because I had acted with the swiftness of a thousand ninjas. I removed the axe from Rick's head and held it above my head victorious. I looked at David to tell him about Ricks past and how I knew he was an agent for the government. But then, when I looked at David, his eyes were different. Bright red, like that of a T-1000 from Terminator. I knew it was a set up and that Davids and Rick were working together to take me out. I lunged for David but he dodged my initial attack. He pushed me down and I dropped my axe. David jumped on top of me, to obviously stab me in the heart with his robot spear for an arm. But I was an all state wrestler back in high school so I flipped David underneath me and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He gasped for air and finally stopped moving.
I had done it. I had protected myself from meeting my doom by the hands of these “friends” who I thought had my back. I knew I had to relocate and leave the city, because the government would find me. So I am sending this article from a cabin in the woods. There isn’t great internet here but I know that I am safe. I can still hear the crackle and pop of the fire embers from that night.