How I Lost Weight and Gained A Better Life Worth

In my formidable years I could run a mile without stopping, deadlift 200 pounds, and keep up with the “big boys” at the gym. Then, I hit a rough patch in my life. I binge drank, lived in a shitty apartment, and really hit rock bottom. It seemed like life wasn’t worth living and that I was going nowhere. Until one day I met a man. He was a tallish man with a bald head and a long trench coat. He knocked on my door one night and told me his name was Morpheus. He  asked me if I wanted to change my life for the better. I was hesitant at first because I have fallen victim to ponzi schemes before. But something about this man gave me a sense of security.


    I followed him to an abandoned warehouse and we sat across from each other in old leather chairs. He explained to me that this was the biggest decision I would ever make in my life, and that I had to choose whether I wanted to keep living a meaningless life or do something extraordinary. He revealed two pills and I had to choose between them. Needless to say I was a little skeptical. I mean, he seemed nice but I didn’t know if I should take the offer because I’ve taken a “get better quick” pill before and nothing came of it. But, I took a chance. After taking the pill, I felt a surge come over my body. “Could this be the real deal?” I asked myself. He then brought me into a room with a bunch of strange individuals wearing what looked to be the new Yeezy clothing line which I dug. He introduced me to them one at a time. I couldn’t remember their names, but it was something like “Ace” and “Sniper”. They told me to lay on a table and that they were going to plug me into some “machine” which was a little unnerving at first but I figured I’m already in it this deep, might as well keep going.


    I awoke in some strange dojo, with the full knowledge of kung fu. I didn’t understand how I knew it, I just did. All of a sudden, my mentor Morpheus charged at me and began to fight me. I didn’t want to fight him because I had grown to love him so. He had this way about him that I couldn’t explain in words, except I just felt love. So we fought it out a bit and I somehow blocked all of his advances . When we were done, I looked into his beautiful eyes and he told me I was “The One”. My first thought was that we barely knew each other but deep down in my heart I felt that he was “The One” for me. I woke back up from this crazy dream in the same room I was in before surrounded by “Crimson” or whoever, feeling different. Could this be what I was looking for this whole time? Someone who actually believed in me? I couldn’t get Morpheus off my mind.


    I could barely sleep that night thinking about what he had told me that day. I tossed and turned thinking about the way he carried himself. Like a man on a mission, he commanded the room...and my heart. When I woke up the next morning I was eager to see him again. I scarfed down my “slop” as the others call it and immediately went to see him to express my feelings. He stopped me before I could say a word and told me we needed to go see a lady named “ The Oracle”. I was a little taken back by this because all signs pointed to him being single. But, I thought I was getting ahead of myself and that maybe I was overthinking it. We go to a small apartment in what seemed like Brooklyn. I couldn’t tell where we were because all I could think about was the bubbling inside my gut. I needed to tell him how I felt, but it could wait.


    “The Oracle” was an older woman, who I’m pretty sure was blind, and who also seemed really close with Morpheus. I could feel the jealousy rushing over me as she told me about my “destiny” or whatever. I wasn’t really listening to her because I just wanted to leave and be alone with Morpheus. She finished talking about the “uprising” and we left her house. It was just Morpheus and I riding in the car. My palms sweat from anxiety. I quietly said “Morpheus, I have something to tell you”. My heart was beating like a drum. He said in his grizzled voice” What is it?”. And that’s where I let it all out. I told him everything. He took a beat and said, “I feel the same way”. I could have leapt out of my seat, but I kept my composure. He slowly turned to me and said “You know what, let’s get out of here.”, and we drove into the sunset. Just two lovers out to face whatever the world had to offer.



My Other Buddy Devin